What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Have you experimented with bestiality?

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

But, we were locked up after school.

Is homosexuality an excommunicable offense in Christianity?

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I don,t even have a pension.

All the time i was locked up.

What are the psychological reasons behind an extreme obsession with another human being?

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

What did your sister do to you that you can never forget?

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

My family never makes their pension either.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

What are LGBT+ people tired of hearing?

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

What are your funniest "lost in translation" moments if you grew up speaking more than one language?

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

She wouldn,t have been !

What is the most overrated pleasure? Why?

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Can you share 100 facts about yourself?

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I waited trembling.

How can I stop drinking?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

When was the first time you felt discriminated against because you were female?

I couldn’t, believe it.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

One cannot live in the past .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I was scared of men, in general

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I have no regrets .

What did i know ?

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

She was in good health!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Im still living with it.

She found it foreign!.

This is soul school!.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I write beautiful poetry .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

So whats the point in blame.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

We all went to grammer schools

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Who then, do I blame.?

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Ive learnt so much.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As i do to all so called friends.?

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Put me off passion for life!!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

(And it was in our own minds.)

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

But ive been too sick for many years..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

We were not on the streets..

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

But it wasn’t much.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Why did i forgive my father ?

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Especially a lifetime of it.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

It was going to be , some day.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I said to her

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I was 9 years of age.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Comes on , in middle age.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

She married twice! .

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I was very sick at this time too.

I think the readers, may guess!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I was seconnd youngest,

When she asked me how she looked .

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

My life is so biszare .

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Was to survive, this bastard.

He knew the spot.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

She loved him until the end.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

So, i spoilt her more .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I will be 64.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

He resisted the act ,that day.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I never cut or harmed myself..

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Would this be the day?

And i lived it daily.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!